Remind me again why I’m trying so hard, because I think I’ve forgotten
all this effort, and seeming futility
…it’s breaking my spirit
I just bought a toy…
I was at the store the other day, and I saw something I had been wanting for a long time, and I pulled out my debit card, and I bought it.
It cost me just over $1000.
It probably wasn’t my smartest idea.
I probably won’t do it again!!
But damn didn’t it feel good!!
I love having a job!
PS: I don’t recommend trying this at home.
It’s going
You know when people ask you “How’s it going?” and you answer “Good”, or “OK”, or that one answer that really annoys me and that I find myself using “It’s going”? Do you ever wonder what they’re asking? I mean, if you think about it, it’s a pretty ambiguous question… how’s it going?
How’s what going? The runs I had a couple of days ago? The process of teaching the turtle how to whistle? The mole on my back that’s getting bigger? My job?? How’s what going?? Be specific, especially if you’re interested in a meaningful answer and not just making conversation, which is what most people are doing when they ask that question.
Anyway, in case my long silence has prompted you to ask how it’s going, it’s going. It’s actually going really well, and very fast. I am now four weeks into orientation, and three weeks into actually being on the floor working. I am loving it. I am learning a lot of stuff, some really interesting, some mundane, all fun, and enjoying myself immensely. I am absolutely completely exhausted when I get home every evening, but I am always excited to wake up and go back the next day.
Life in the ER moves really fast, and doesn’t always wait for you to catch up. So I’m learning to speed up my game while still being careful and meticulous in my practice. Fortunately, I am blessed to have experienced, thorough preceptors who are taking me by the hand and teaching me what professional, safe, efficient practice is all about, sprinkled liberally with large doses of humor.
I love my job
It’s exhausting, it’s exhilerating, it’s frustrating, it’s rewarding, it’s unpredictable, it’s scary, it can be humorous, it can be heartbreaking, sometimes it’s smelly…
It’s going to take me a while to get used to it, and it’s going to take a long time to get good at it, but there’s no question about it, I love my job.
Talking to an old friend
Last night I got a phone call from an old friend, one of my closest friends from back when I was back home and in undergrad. It’s been a while since we talked, so it was really good to hear from her and to catch up on the past and the present. We spent a lot of time laughing and talking about the good old days, and some of the not-so-good old days, but it was great to talk to someone who knows my history, and is an important part of my story.
Sometimes we forget where we came from, who we were, what we’ve been through. This is especially true for those of us who’ve made big changes in our lives that have necessitated leaving what we knew behind, such as I did when I relocated to the States. It’s nice to have someone who reminds you of who you are, who you used to be, and points out how you’ve changed and in what ways you’re still the same person. It’s humbling too, and creates a vulnerable space that, perhaps, is not a bad thing.
Thanks for the chat my friend, it was eye-opening and heartwarming.
