Mary's Pad

Mary’s Pad

My personal space on the web, to rest my brain after its many wanderings

where I empty and rest my brain

Random Things

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I’ve been doing a lot of work with Drupal, creating tutorials, and building stuff… see links on the side for my programming blog – fun stuff. You can also see and track my activity on my Drupal page.

I’ve also been getting into MODx. Tutorials coming soon at the Coding Pad, for those who may be interested.

I’ve been twittering a lot… if you twitter, you can follow me @einsteinsboi

I’ve been fighting a fierce battle with my emotions, and with the demons of fear, pessimism, depression, anger, despair… I will NOT get into a rut, I will NOT become pessimistic, I will NOT lose my focus, I will NOT allow this to change me and make me bitter. I’m hanging in there

It’s been hard as hell staying focused on school… a first for me.

In all this, I have remained secure in the knowledge that I am loved, accepted, and supported.

I refuse to get into a rut

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funny-pictures-box-cats-are-bored

It’s very easy to get into a rut, to find yourself stuck in an unproductive and even sometimes destructive pattern of living. I am in that place where I could so easily fall into a rut. All the ingredients are there: I’m frustrated, bored, dissatisfied, afraid, and stressed. And I feel like I have absolutely no control over the things that are making me unhappy. I feel like my fate is in someone else’s hands, and that is a very discomfiting feeling. The reality really is that I do have a choice, but it’s not one that I desire to exercise.

So here’s what I’m doing to avoid getting into a rut. I’m doing my best to stay as productive as I possibly can.
– I’m not sleeping in
– I’m not watching TV – if I do watch something it’s intentional
– Limiting myself to one movie every few days
– Spending time in the office or living room, not in the bedroom (because then I’ll just sleep)
– Playing video games almost as regularly as when I was working — not much more
– Reading books… working my way through the pile I’ve been collecting and revisiting some old titles
– Working on my programming stuff and my websites
– Picking new skills to learn and master
– Walking/hiking often
– Oh, and school work too ofcourse 🙂
… among other things

Basically, keeping myself busy and my mind stimulated. I figure if I just keep going then I won’t get into a slump and start feeling sorry for myself, which is possibly the most self-destructive thing anyone can ever do.

I think I can talk about it now

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I think I can talk about it now

Not go into details
Not discuss intricacies
Not delve into whys and hows

I’m not ready for that yet
But I can talk about it now

I can respond with more than
the nonchalant “whatever”
I can say more than
“what will be will be”
“it’s what it is”

I can discuss the unfairness
I can discuss the economics
I can even laugh at the ironies
…more degrees than a thermometer – ha!

Don’t ask me about the empty moments
Don’t ask me about the helplessness
Don’t ask me about the fear
Don’t ask me about the uncertainty
Don’t ask me about the sleepless nights

Maybe, soon
We can delve deeper
We can brainstorm
We can anticipate
We can hope

But for now
While the shock wears off
Let it be enough
That I can talk about it

Bending with the Wind

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The Winds of Change are blowing in my life yet again.

windofchange.jpg

This is going to be a month of transitions for me. It definitely looks like I will officially resume the role of full-time student sometime in the middle of this month. I’ve already actually started classes, and so far the transition is kicking my butt. It will probably get better once I’m not working since I’ll have more time to study.

It’s not easy taking three classes and working full time, especially when I’m all out of sorts emotionally. I’ve been having a hard time with the whole thing with my employer, mostly because I wish they had listened to me and started processing my paperwork when I asked them to, but I’m getting over it.

I have always been a firm believer that all things eventually work themselves out, and you’ll fare better if you allow yourself to bend with the wind, instead of letting it break you. So while I am kind of distressed and a tad pissed off, and definitely nervous about what the future holds, I am also looking at this as a challenge, as the beginning of new things, as a new door to a future that may bring me a lot of pleasant surprises, and I have resolved to live through it to the fullest. But if I seem a little out of sorts over the next few weeks, please bear with me, change is never easy.

Quote of the Day… and other stories

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Because all health care treatment and decisions are made based on the data you gather during assessment, it is paramount that your assessment be factual and complete.
Jarvis, C (2008). Physical Examination & Health Assessment

No pressure there, no pressure whatsoever!

So classes have started with a bang! I am currently taking three classes at Temple as a non-matriculated student. I’m in “Health Assessment for the RN”, “Community Health”, and “Nursing Research”. They are all for the most part online but I will have to show up at Campus a few times this semester for one of them, and I have to be online for live classroom sessions for the other class. So far so good, except that I spent the last four days in Kentucky enjoying wonderful company, pork steaks and some fine Kentucky bourbon, and therefore didn’t get much work done.

This morning I’m trying to get caught up on my studying because I work two on, one off, two on starting tomorrow, so I need to get ahead of the game. The quote above is from my Health Assessment textbook, and it hit me hard enough that I just had to post it. It’s not new knowledge, just the way that it’s phrased kind of makes me break into a small sweat when I consider how often practitioners forget this and kind of skim over the details in their assessment. Makes me squirm.

I’m currently reading, during my ever shrinking free time, the book How Doctors Think, by Jerome Groopman. This book talks about how patients can help doctors think and listen better, and how doctors (or any healthcare practitioner) can learn to identify where they fall short in interacting and listening to their patients, and in thinking about the data they’re presented with. It’s a fascinating read, one that I highly recommend, and the principles I’m picking up from it seem to go along very well with my Health Assessment class. Incidentally, Jerome Groopman is also the author of another of my favorite books – The Anatomy of Hope: How People Prevail in the Face of Illness, which I referred to in my post Prepared to Care for the Body But Not The Soul.

What else is new… Family Guy seasons 1, 2, 4, and 5 are now in my possession – Yay! Thanks Rick. Now I just need seasons 3 & 6, to watch during my ever shrinking free time.

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